Amsterdam.

Hey, who am I?

"Ah hoop den hag den loop da joop da woop da hop en hop den haag den hoop roopy joopy!"

I'm someone who speaks Dutch!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I only have three words of wisdom for anyone adventurous enough to travel to the land of "Everyone and their mother, and most likely father as well, speaks English" (also known as Amsterdam).

RENT.

A.

BIKE.

Rent a bike! I've now been there four times, and I'm only now figuring this out. You will have a much better time cruising around those canals on an old-school beach cruiser than you will sitting in some sketch coffee shop thinking to yourself that you are cool because you're sitting in some sketch coffee shop in, like, Amsterdam, duuuude.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

And people think Americans are provincial and arrogant, because.......?

So now's the part of the story where I tell you about Boo Boo Drew's classic encounter with Joe Pakistani, who was working the register at one of the many Candy Land type restaurants in the main tourist area of the city. It wasn't intentional indifference by any means -- you've got to give him a little bit of a break, ya know? But still. Just read.

DISCLAIMER: Drew claims that he knew the entire time the man really did speak English, that he was just messing. So this is to inform the masses that my take on the situation may have been totally warped. I, personally, don't believe that. But even if I'm wrong, there is still humor in this story, because that would mean that Joe Pakistani has the dryest wit I've ever seen .... (to be able to keep a straight face throughout the entire encounter takes will power).

scene: Drew standing at the counter of Snack Shop, Pakistani cashier staring at him, blank faced.

Drew: "Do you speak English?"

Joe Pakistani: "No."

Drew: (without any hesitation whatsoever, almost as if Joe Pakistani had actually answered in the affirmative) "Can I get a submarine and a chocolate milkshake please?"

Joe Pakistani: "Six and a half euros, please."

(Drew hands man money, as if nothing is out of the ordinary, not considering the fact that a man who claims not to speak English handled his order flawlessly and stated the price in an impeccable accent)

Joe Pakistani: (about three seconds later, all the while staring at Drew, straight faced) "Why when I say I don't speak English do you speak English?"



WOW. I've heard some spots blown in my life, but never by a cashier like that!! Oh man I almost peed in my pants, which would have been uncomfortable.