CTEBAH.

The man-eating hrčak of Vojvodina.

Stevan -- cute, cuddly little Stevan -- is no ordinary hamster, though.

Stevan is an ANIMAL.

"Wassup, man! Why you frontin! Huh! Wassup!"

We give hamsters the same treatment we give rapists and murderers: Life behind bars; no chance for parole; time every day for exercise in the yard; constant surveillance; meals delivered straight to a small cell. Being a hamster is just like being in prison.

We all know it's a joke. A hamster isn't a rapist, or a murderer. It's a hamster. They don't know any different. They're cute. They're soft. They're furry. They draw endless amusement from running around on their little wheel. They love when people pay attention to them. They even have people names, as if they're some sort of dog who understands their identity.

But Stevan is no ordinary hamster. He is dangerous.

Playing with fire.

"Stevan can't stand anyone to touch him." G-Unit knows; Stevan was given to her as a gift.

I didn't pay any heed. And I paid the price.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"OW!"

"What happened?"

Stevan had just bitten the hand that does not feed him, when one of the fingers from that hand made the costly mistake of inserting itself into Stevan's lair. And it wasn't a love tap, either -- the little guy had drawn blood.

"Stevan is crazy, man," Stewart said from the kitchen, chuckling. He had just dodged one of his patented, "I'm cute, I'm cute, I'm cute, I'M NOT SO CUTE SUCKA!" fang attacks five minutes before.

Inmate No. 1 at the 35 Kosovska Unit of the Novi Sad Penitentiary.

I guess I'd be pretty mad at the world, too, if I was in solitary confinement for life.

Stevan acts like he's got a score to settle when he finally gets out. When he's not sleeping, he's preparing for that day.

Scaling the walls of his cage to practice climbing the walls of the penitentiary.




Running the wheel for speed training -- perfect for eluding capture in close proximity to the jail. Running in circles around the cage -- designed for long distance conditioning, so that he can run and run and run once he scales the penitentiary walls.

(He runs too fast to even document with film).

And my favorite, doing pull-ups, so that he can take anyone in a fight.




"Stevan's getting HUGE, dude!" Stewart is from California, so he knows a thing or two about muscle-heads.

I don't even want to know what will happen to the man who put Stevan behind bars, should the little guy ever get out. But it won't be a pretty picture.