In the many versions of the Balkan Beard that I've sported during my time in Serbia, I have heard many deprecating remarks (and a lone good one. Thankyou, Original Gangsta Zoka).

For example...

• From Jelena, the original "Stacey Tractor Beam" Serbian girl, after she hadn't seen me for over a month following my first jaunt into Turkey: "That's it? And you said you hadn't shaved since the last time you were in Belgrade?
• From Kris, the Australian brother of mine from the Three Black Catz, whose beard could out-man the Unabomber's: "I feel sorry for you beard." (He was 18 at the time).
  

And tonight, the greatest of them all.

• From Lizzie, the world's most prestigious photography critic: "It's like, it is trying so hard to be a real beard, but it just can't."

It's not that I'm like, "Ohhhhhhh, yeah." It's that Mach 3 blades are expensive. I don't even buy soap -- I just use other people's, and take advantage of all opportunities to jack the free ones from semi-hotels....and I try not to bathe too much. Once y'all send me some razor blades, I will start shaving more often. Until then, I'm going to keep engendering pity from those able to grow real Balkan Beards.