The face of a man with an "anal fissure."

"I wonder if Barry would let me borrow some of "The Cream." Two birds with one stone I guess..."

Uhhhhh........

"Anal fissure"? What ever happened to strained ligaments and turf toes? You start letting players like this...




... into the league, and that's when you begin to read about "anal fissures" on ESPN.com. And how one of them may keep our brand new, Japanese second baseman out of Opening Day, in what would be his first game as an Astro.

Say what you will about Craig Biggio's declining production in the tail end of his career. At least he was tearing ACL's and MCL's -- not his scoofy, like good ole Kaz Matsui.