Willard's tips on long drives

I met a truck driver on my job site last week named Willard. I can't say I've ever actually met a man named Willard, though I know they must be out there somewhere. I really wanted to buy his work shirt.

Willard is a big, strong, oak tree of a man. He played football at OU in the late 80's. He packs fat dips in his bottom lip. He speaks with a confident, non-threatening assurance, the kind of voice that you know is capable of exploding, but which chooses to be friendly most of the times.

Want to know Willard's trick for staying awake during long hauls behind the wheel of an 18-wheeler?

"Naw man, I don't drink coffee or nothin', just drink water. But I also put on some porno, man! I just put on some porno. Don't even have to watch it; I just hear it, man. 'UGH! UGGGHHHH! AHH!' Yeah man, that's the ticket. Just pop in a porno, and you drivin'!"

You will never feel safe on the highway again.