"Not Gayless."

1) Why can't someone invent a Post It Note that actually sticks to stuff?

2) Is there anything more awkward than a Coyote Ugly bar that is practically empty? Jamison and I walked by one last night on 6th St. after we left the Mad Professor show at Flamingo Cantina (which smells a lot like an Amsterdam coffee shop -- I love Austin), and I kind of felt sad for the girl I saw standing on the bar, trying to lively up the sedated customers.

This was on a Thursday, too. I'd hate to see what that place looks like on a Monday. Or a Sunday. Or any day that isn't Friday or Saturday.

It does make you wonder, though: what kind of person is walking into a near-empty Coyote Ugly, looks around, coughs, hears an echo of that cough bounce off the walls, says to themselves, "Yup, this is the one," and plops down on a stool right below a so-so Coyote Ugly girl parading around the bar counter with a microphone in hand? There are hundreds of bars on 6th St., and you choose the empty Coyote Ugly. What is wrong with you?

3) JESUS CHRIST I JUST CAUGHT A SQUIRREL TRYING TO SNEAK INTO MY APARTMENT THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR AND IT SCARED THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME. I looked over and saw him creeping up, with his nose past the plane, and the sudden movement of my head sent him scrambling away across the patio, like Marquis Weeks running from the cops.

Wahoowa.

Do I need to close my doors to keep out squirrels? Think about the damage one of those little bastards could cause if it got inside while I was in the shower or something. Thank God this isn't Africa, where their version of squirrels (monkeys) have opposable thumbs.

4) (the following was a word-for-word dialogue that took place after I left my card at Flamingo Cantina and had to go back to get it, walking by the depressing sight of the Coyote Ugly crowd on the way. I ran into this girl who I'd been dancing next to at the show, and had already chatted with for a few moments, and saw it as a sign -- maybe I left my card here for a reason...)

Me: "You said your name was Kelly?" (acting like I wasn't sure, though I was 100 percent positive, as I hold out my hand to re-introduce myself in a less noisy spot)

Kelly: (not holding out her hand) "What?"

Me: "You said your name was Kelly?" (it's about to get real awkward if she doesn't shake my hand soon, because then I'm gonna have to retract it, and we all know how cool that makes you feel)

Kelly: "Yeah." (relief: she shakes my hand)

Me: "I'm Bayless."

Kelly: "Gayless?"

(The rule of thumb for when a girl mishears your name and responds with "Gayless?" is that you are done.)

Me: "No, Bayless."

Kelly: "Oh."

Me: "Not Gayless."

(three second pause; I pretend to be more interested in the music than this conversation)

Me: (after a short, awkward exchange about the show, and how it was good) "Okay I'll see you around."