The WILTHATA Vice President

Is it just me, or is Sarah Palin kind of hot?

Wouldn't mind her keeping me warm during those dark Alaskan winters, in sickness and in health, till death do us part

Well it's obviously not just me. Apparently there is a magazine called "Alaska" that actually exists.

And there are the people who like to call Palin a MILF. And the ones who, in true American Dream style, immediately got to work on trying to make money off of this assertion.

But let's get something straight: Sarah Palin is not a MILF. This picture, I found out after a little bit of research, is not actually her. (Google Images is not always 100 percent accurate.)

But with McCain at such a fragile old age, I wouldn't mind if it was!

Maybe, because of the fantasy points it brings to the table, you could call Palin a VPILF (this joke sure would've been a lot more fitting had www.whitehouse.com still been a porn site, like it was when I was in high school). But she's not a MILF. Sarah Palin is a WILTHATA.

I think "MILF," for as amazing a term as it is, and for as thankful as I am to the makers of the "American Pie" movies for bringing it to the attention of the world -- (honestly, what did they say to describe hot moms before this word?) -- is the most overused word in the American English vernacular. Those who say it typically run on the younger side: they range from high school age to the "I frame my Phish posters now," post college, fifth year frat scene age. This is because most dudes of this demographic don't have any female peers who qualify for moms they would like to bleep yet. The chicks they're usually doing are actually a bunch of GILF's, plain old girls.

When you hear one of them say, "Man, McCain's chick is a MILF, man!" it means they would like to tap her halibut right then and there, without hesitation, as if she were on par with the hot girl in their chemistry class. But I doubt a very high percentage of 14-26 year olds really mean that.

You see, true MILF's are actually very rare. Often times, a hot mom is simply "good for a mom," but that isn't the same as Angelina Jolie, a mother herself, who is maybe the hottest woman alive. Angelina Jolie is almost too hot to be called a MILF.

That's like saying Michael Jordan is a Hall of Famer.

Mary Louise Parker, on "Weeds." Now that is a MILF.

The photo that comes up beside the definition of the word in Webster's.

Sophia Loren, not so much.

Warning: Those with pacemakers, beware.

I mean, at age 73, just one year older than presidential hopeful McCain, she looks better than anyone else on this earth old enough to remember the death of Il Duce. And my friend Jeep would probably label her a "GrandMILF." But that's just gross. Loren is the perfect WILTHATA -- if I was 73, and that was who I slept next to every night, I am a happy, happy man.

To shore up the shortcomings of our language when it comes to fully expressing ourselves on this matter, Hunter and I decided while we were in Tanzania that we needed a better and more accurate term than "MILF" for the moms that we find attractive, but "for a mom."

WILTHATA: Wife I'd Like To Have At That Age.

As in, when I'm 50, or 60, or even 72, if my wife looks like that, I am chillin.

The future FLILTHATA?

John McCain knows what I'm talking about. He's married to a WILTHATA. And he's hugging on one for the rest of his campaign, too.

His thoughts right now: "I love photo ops."

The most prime example of a WILTHATA? Easy.

Admit it, gums and all: If you're Katie Couric's age, you are stoked on being married to a relative babe like this.

Especially with that $15 million a year from CBS. Now that is a wife I would definitely like to have at that age.

Kurt Warner doesn't need the money. Or the looks.

This is what I would call "busted."

His wife Brenda is more of a YCHH. A You Can Have Her.