The two things I have lost and miss the most: my Nalgene bottle and my Gold Bond powder.

Gold Bond, WHERE ARE YOU????? My scoofy is beginning to be rash in its decision-making and I need your help to calm down the region. Please don't pull a Condi on me.

And the Nalgene...I guess it was finally time. I had almost lost it on four other occasions -- on this trip alone. But the worst thing is that I can't replace it here. They don't know about the water bottle trend. And I can't replace my Chaco's, which I didn't lose, but whose soles are beginning to crack like the San Andreas. Ironically, both the water bottle and the sandals were given to me by the same person in the same year -- one of my original Little Leaguers from the Dixie Pawns is the heir to the Blue Ridge Mountain Sports empire. Mr. Smith, if you read this somehow, it'd be great if you could send me another pair of those green ones with my new water bottle as well. Size 12.

But today, it was really annoying, because I had to pay for water. This is what chump travelers do -- rookies pay for water, folks. Rookies. You don't pay for the one thing that is free universally...and while I'm still in the West, where I'm able to drink this stuff, I'm pinching every penny I can.

And of course, what happens the first time I pay for water? I accidentally get the freaking mineral water...the one with gas.

"How could this have happened?" I began to fret once I heard the unmistakable fizz explosion sound coming from the mondo bottle. "In Den Haag the guy told me that ALL blue labels were REGULAR!!"

Well, that was Holland. This is Germany. Blue labels do not necessarily mean good water.

Can't we get a committee together from across the EU and Switzerland to come up with some commong ground regarding this issue? Everywhere you go in the world, the big, red octagon with the word "STOP" on it means stop. Everywhere. So I don't see it as impossible to bring about a N.W.O. where "blue" means "no gas," and "red" means "gas."

I've never actually tasted pee, but red can't be far off.

(happy ending -- I was able to use the gas water bottle as a pillow while I read in the park)