Recent quotes from my mother:

1) Speaking to her youngest child -- and my little sister -- Garland, during a moment of frustration while trying to get ready for our family Christmas party, always her grumpiest week of the year:

"Garland, don't ever get married. But if you do, don't have children."

2) Telling me about the movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which I have not seen:

"Bayless, you'd like that one. There's a three-way in it."