It was quite a day for the Red, White and Blue.

First, I'll use the words uttered about a discredited opponent by a famous Texas governor. Abu Musab Al Zarqawi, if you can hear me from the depths of your 72-virgin sandwich: "Adios, mofo."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/5059494.stm

(Although, for non-Texans, I should note that the name of the governor being quoted is Rick Perry, not George W. Bush. And you thought "Bring it on" was good.)

Second, Who needs Tonya Harding's henchmen when we've got a Czech player on CIA payroll to do the sabotage for us?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2006/teams/czech_republic/5060552.stm
In a way, you could liken Nedved's injury to free trade agreements with Third World nations. Advantage, America.

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Meanwhile, it was not such a great day for the national pastime of the Red, White and Blue.

Until I read the final paragraph of this story (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2474291), the question that just would not quit popping into my head was, "Who the hell is Jason Grimsley?"

So I checked his stats, figuring he must be a newbie. But he'd been in the league since throwing 18.1 innings for the Phillies in '89. In his 17th season in the bigs, Grimsley had managed to win two awards:

1) "The Stealth Bomber Award" ... He was able to pitch from the era before I even remember baseball until after I graduated from college, yet I had never once heard the man's name. No way there's anyone else even close to having that kind of tenure that I haven't at least heard of.

2) (And this is kind of linked to No. 1) "The Worst Good Player of All Time/The Best Terrible Player of All Time" ... Grimsley was able to stay in the Major Leagues from George Bush 41's term to George Bush 43's second and final term while not ever being good at baseball. The man's career ERA is 4.77. In the 17 years, here is a breakdown of his earned run average range:

3.00 or less - N/A
3.00 to 4.00 - 6 times; never more than two years in a row
4.00 to 5.00 - 4; including a 4.88 mark through 28.2 IP this season
5.00 to 6.00 - 5!
6.00 or more - 2 times in a row, from 1995-96. No way in hell the man thought after his 6.08 year that the following season, not only would he shatter his personal best in innings pitched with 130.1, but he'd demolish his personal worst ERA with a healthy 6.84.

No wonder this man was anonymous. Or was he??

It was then that I read Jayson Stark's piece on the new cover boy for human growth hormone: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=stark_jayson&id=2474247

He answered the question in red in the first paragraph.

THE ALBERT BELLE CORKED BAT GUY IS THE NEW FACE OF PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS IN BASEBALL????

Turns out Grimsley won three awards. The final part of the triumvirate was, "Baseball Player Equivalent to the Guy Who Acted Alongside George Clooney in 'Goodnight, And Good Luck.'" In other words, he's the ultimate guy who everyone (who likes baseball) knows...only they don't know his name. Other people in this category include the really old D.A. from "Law & Order," the black president from 24/Pedro Cerrano/Prudential Insurance guy, and the Maryland sniper.

How far you've come, Jason. From pitching for nearly two decades on the highest level with AAA stuff, to crawling through the AC vents en cherche de la bat d'Albert, to this, getting busted by the feds for HGH and then ratting out other baseball players.

Really nice form, buddy. Real nice.