So it turns out that I didn't get to meet Kanye West last Saturday, which means I did not get to tell him that his name in Swahili means "Go take a shit."

I did not get to do either of these things because Kanye West is a douche.

How do I know Kanye West is a douche?


1) He wears a vest that says "Sons of Thor/Idaho."

The words on the back aren't even necessary for him to become an automatic D-bag. It's a jean jacket vest. Go take a shit!

2) His face once appeared on a magazine cover not in its original form, but as its left half multiplied by two, each side simply a mirror of the other, so that it could be "symmetrical." And he still got mad at the way it turned out.

I am not kidding about this. Go get your magnifying glasses.

3) He creates concentric rings of backstageness, so that even the people with backstage passes can't meet him to tell him his name means "Go take a shit" in Swahili.


Buuuut, I still got to to backstage to see Kanye West play a show at South by Southwest.

Him and like nine of his "cousin."

And I got to get free Budweiser tall boys any time I wanted, with no line.

Which made me feel like a VEEEEE-IP.

And I got to mingle and mesh with a melange of races and representatives from the entire spectrum of hipness.




Thanks, Hanly!




Don't know what I would've done if I hadn't been able to access the V.I.P. toilets.




I probably would've twittered my balls.