I had a take, and it sucked, apparently.

Today was another day at the office. "The rim job," it's still going folks.

What do I do at work? Lots of different and interesting stuff. I open up boxes of car rims, take pictures of them, take the packaging off the rims, then pick up the rims and inspect them for fire damage, then put the rims back in the boxes, make notes on a clipboard of what I see, and finally, put a piece of paper on the side of the box with my analysis written on it. Rinse, wash, repeat, all day. And I practice Spanish, since half of the illegal workforce in the warehouse no habla ingles.

The best part of my day is between 11 and 2. This is when the Jim Rome Show comes on the radio.

I listen to it while I work every single day. I live for that three hour time slot.

Today, I finally called in. It was my first time ever, and I've been listening to the show for years, since junior high. I had to talk about the Phillies. I was not happy that they won. I am still not happy. And I will go to the grave unhappy, all because of Brad Lidge. (As I write this, I'm watching slow mo montage shots of his freaking loser face thanking God for helping him record the final out of last night's Game 5. Grrrrrrrr.)

Anyway, I had the phone on speaker while I was hard at work on a rim job.

Riiiiiing, riiiiiing, riiiiiiing, riiiiiiing........

(Fifty minutes later)

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing........

(And finally, as I'm putting the covering back on rim #8,563 of the day)

riiii -- "Jim Rome Show."

A voice!

My heart started racing.

A voice!

"Hello? Hi, uh, hi," I said... I think. I don't remember what I said. I remember what I was thinking ("A voice!"), but what I said is anyone's guess. It was J-Stew, the famous J-Stew, Rome's producer, the one you've got to go through to get on the air.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Bayless," I enunciated.

"What?"

"BAYless."

"Dude I can't hear you. What?"

Two tries later, J-Stew finally got it down.

"What city?"

"Houston!"

"What are you gonna talk about on the air?"

Hmmmm....

I had two options:
1) Why I Hate Brad Lidge. I decided it was played already (Rome had been talking about that all morning). So I went with the other option.

2) Why Philly Phans Suck. Exhibit A: Tom.

Here's how I tried to pitch it to J-Stew. (By the way, I was sure at this point that I was getting on air. I was SURE.)

"Fake Philly fans," I said. "My friend Tom, he's from Havertown, which isn't even really Philly I guess, he says he's rowdy but then he goes on vacation the week of the World Series! And he doesn't even have a job."

J-Stew said nothing. It was silence.

"Hello?" I asked. Did I lose connection?

Turns out the connection was fine.

"Sorry man," he said after a pregnant pause that felt much longer than the one second that it probably was. "That's not gonna work."

And then he hung up.

And then I went back to the rim job. Rinse, wash, repeat, until tomorrow's Jim Rome Show.