"Hi... I'm in ... Ohio."

Pretty sure Ohio was the first alternate behind Delaware when they were writing the screenplay for "Wayne's World."

I've been asked approximately 95 times where I'm going for New Year's, and every single one of those 95 times, after I tell them, "Ohio," I get this response:

"Why?"

Their faces usually scrunch up, too.

It doesn't matter that I have a perfectly legitimate answer: "I'm going to a college reunion; like eight of my best friends from school are gonna be there; my friend Boo Boo Drew has a house in Columbus; his girlfriend Amy makes good sandwiches, I hear; also, Amy just graduated from Ohio State and is inviting like 100 of her friends to the party on New Year's Eve; also, there is gonna be a live band at their house," because their heads are still resonating with images of Ohio, which, for most people, consists of absolutely nothing.

It's Ohio. Who lives there? Why do people go there? Why the hell are you going to Ohio, dude?

Maybe so I can be blown away by a state flag that tries to be cool by not being a rectangle. Nice try at being different and unique, Ohio. The Longhorns are still gonna whoop your sorry Buckeye asses in the Fiesta Bowl.

"Ohio just seems..." Anna, who had been by far the most demonstrative WTF-Ohio of all the face-scrunchers, was looking for the words to express her complex feelings about Ohio. She had only been to Cincinnati -- which should be taught a la M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I to all American school children at an early age, since it's the hardest city name to get right in the history of spelling -- one time, and had not come away impressed. To Anna, Columbus was Cleveland was Cincinnati. They all start with C, and they're all in the same, bland state of Ohio.

"I don't know," she continued, "I just feel like, I want to go to all 50 states, except for Ohio. I'd even want to go see Nebraska -- I'd like to visit Omaha. And North Dakota, even North Dakota, since I'd like to see Devil's Lake, or Canyon, or whatever it is, something Devil's. But Ohio? I just don't see why anyone would want to go there."

I was making mental notes of her quote because I knew Boo Boo Drew would appreciate it. She did say one thing, however, in his state's defense: "I will say this: Ohio seems very ... pleasant."

As does ... Delaware.

Boo Boo Drew swears Columbus is cool. We shall see. I believe him; it's a college town. Even if it's not cool, I don't care, since it's just me chilling with my boys that I'm excited about. But still, we shall see.

In college I used to always joke Boo Boo for being from a state that, when I pictured what it must be like in my head, always came out as a "cloudy day." Why did I think this? I don't know; it's Ohio. Who goes there? Well, finally, the answer is going to be "this guy." I'm going to go check for myself to see if Boo Boo's home state is actually one giant cloudy day, or if there is some sunshine there, too.

Imagine being able to be magically whisked away to Houston, my hometown, where I'm wearing sandals every day and where it was 80 degrees on Christmas Eve. Now imagine being able to be magically whisked away to ... Ohio, with a forecast like this for the time I will be there:


Tomorrow: Flurries/Wind
Thursday: Mostly Sunny (allegedly)
Friday: Few Snow Showers
Saturday: Partly Cloudy
Sunday: Rain/Snow Showers


Hi... I'm in... Ohio.